When Life Gives You Too Many Lemons

I am incredibly privileged. I have been able to afford to complete my yoga teacher training, and I am about to launch my website. I was granted time, money and energy to begin a soul project my heart has been singing about for years. Not only this, but beautiful people around me have been cheering my corner, actively encouraging me to strive for my dreams, as I say, I’ve had many lemons gifted to me in this life. 

Originally my plan was to begin teaching the moment the website was done, because why would I wait? All advice tells me to “get out there” and “start teaching as soon as possible.” But then something happened at the same time during the middle stages of website production, something I could never have accounted for: my mum went into hospital. This was the second time in 6 months, except this time, it was for the long term. My heart, so full of opportunity and passion had to completely rearrange. My family needed me in a way I had never planned on being needed before I turned 30. The reality hit me what life would be like for the immediate future when I was spoon-feeding her and calling around rehabilitation centres. My parent’s life had changed forever and so had mine, as I rapidly slipped into the role of carer and watched one of the people I love most in my world, morph into someone I didn’t recognise.  

Understandably a heaviness has come over me, mixed with a strong sense of duty and pride to see the woman who was my hero, live her life to the fullest and maintain hope for the future. Now instead of lesson planning for classes, I am driving to hospital. Instead of creating merchandise ideas, I am talking to solicitors. I need to maintain as much strength as I can for the immediate and I am leaning on people I’ve not even had dinner with to look after my dog, I’m leaning on my partner to leave work early, not get paid, and come with me to hospital because I need the emotional support. I am ignoring messages from people, because I do not have the time to reply. 

Finally, that reality hit me. I had taken a mental health day and went for a walk with my dad on Butser Hill, I do not have the time.  He could see it in me as I poured out my troubles, and I knew then I could not give myself completely to teach right now. I want to be the best teacher I can be, but how can I be that presently? My father in his words of wisdom and in the kindest way imaginable, gently reminded me there was no rush to start straight away, “why don’t you wait till new year? New Year- New Queer!” he beamed. This man, who had very -recently just dived into my little queer-world in a bid to understand his alien offspring a bit better, just said the words to me “New Year- New Queer .” My energy instant filled with love for this amazing person I am blessed with in my life, and I knew in that moment he was right. 

So, my little lotuses, we must wait till January 2025. I have 3-4 months for life to settle, I have breathing room to plan lessons, come up with ideas and refine others as I eagerly wait to teach your beautiful bodies and souls. In the meantime, I encourage you to spend time with your loved ones as I shall be, smell the autumn air, enjoy the crispness of the breeze in the mornings, look forward to your comfort foods as the winter draws near. It’s a beautiful time of year as the trees turn auburn and the sunsets are breath-taking. Look after yourselves, and I shall be in touch soon.

Om shanti, namaste ‘an-all that.  

~ Wavy ~